Getting On, Online: Parenting in the Digital Age
I remember screaming at my children as I asked them for what felt like the twentieth time to stop on the Xbox.. I should have been happy they were playing together happily (a rare occurrence), but I was frustrated that they were resisting (ignoring) my requests to cease playing and come to dinner.
I stopped screaming and making demands that they were ignoring. I took a breath and after dinner I took some time to hang out with them both and get them to explain how the game they were playing worked.
They even let me have a go! Needless to say I was rubbish at it. Having grown up in the analogue world I had never really got to grips with playing computer games and working the controls.
The mood relaxed, we were all a bit calmer. I apologised for screaming and shared my frustration and I couldn’t understand why a timing warning to finish up playing online was not working for them.
They explained how the game worked in levels not timescales and they needed to finish their stage or they lost everything and had to start again. I listened to their perspective and we negotiated and came to an arrangement and now I don’t scream or lose it because they are not doing what I ask when it comes to gaming.
Our children are growing up online, their online world and real world have little boundaries for them.
So how do we help them find their way online safely when it can feel like an alien land for us?
Be curious about what they do online without judgement on its worthiness, explore it alongside them when you can and keep doing so as they grow.
Ask open questions about what they like to do online and what they worry about and help them explore their feelings about things that they experience online, the good and the not so good.
Help them know and understand the risks of what they might see, do or who they might meet online and in discussion with them set parental controls on devices or on your home Wi-Fi router. The earlier you do this the easier it will be to adapt and adjust settings and controls as they grow.
Set boundaries, use your household routines and rules to guide what is acceptable for you and your family and if it is something you expect your children to do, you might want to role model the behaviour you want them to follow (my children take my phone away from me now when we sit down to watch a film together).
Allow them to share with you things that might worry them about being online or having a phone without the fear that you will restrict access to or remove their device.
There is lots of support out there to help you to help you and your family make the most of the online world.
Here are The Parent Village’s top picks:
Your own phone and internet provider have a host of tools for parental controls.
Reporting online child sexual abuse https://www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/
Who to report what and where https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/online-reporting/
Parent Zone - parental support charity and app for online digital safety https://www.parentzone.me/login
Our Pact parental control app (paid for) https://ourpact.com/
Blocking and reporting in Social Media apps https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/11_18/lets-talk-about/online-safety/reporting-and-blocking
